We Were On A Break
by Celia Ray
Summary: The gang learns that Rachel has cancer; the story starts at the end of Rachel's life, and flash backs.Now completed.
1. Default Chapter

Ross's POV, pouring out his heart to Rachel during her last moments of life

Are you scared?

I asked.

"I guess…" you said.

What is this, Rachel, just some horrible dream?

And when I open my eyes you'll be staring at me.

I'm scared too, Rach. All the time.

Tomorrow when I wakeup you won't be sick.

"We were on a break," you finally admitted.

Those were the last words you said.

Your heart is still beating but where are you?

Central perk is empty.

Monica's apartment is a mess.

And if you die nothing will be the same.

I want to say

"I'm sorry".

I want to say

"I love you."

But it just doesn't seem the right time.

But the right time will never come.

Your life is almost over, and no time will ever be the right time.

Can you hear me now?

The doctors say you can't.

But I think love is stronger than modern medicine.

I think, but that can't be true, because you'd be healthy again.

I going to pretend you're listening.

I love you.

I'd give my life, to make you come back.

We were not on a break.

Ross says relax.

Relax.

"Forget all this with the breast cancer ever happened." Said Chandler

Monica, crazy neurotic Monica who loves you, said;

"Chandler, how can we forget this ever happened? You don't see Rachel. Do you? We're never going to see her again after she dies. The missing space in the group that's how we remember this happened."

Phoebe says

"I think that when people they're never really gone. I mean if I squint my eyes real hard I see her right over there." She stops and waves "Hi, Rachel."

"Did she say hi back?" Joey asked.

And you did.

Rach, do what you have to.

There are things I forgot to say, but right now all I can tell you

Is,

I love you.


	2. Until the end

Monica's POV-four months earlier 

I held Rachel close, there was no way I would let her go.

"Rach, it's going to be all right"

"Oh hell, Monica. You have no way of knowing that."

"I'm always right."

"Damn, Monica. This is different." Rachel said as she let go of me.

I have to be right. This isn't like winning some bet with Phoebe that Ross will get married and divorced before 2006. Or betting that Rachel would go into labor with Emma before the day is over. This was about my best friend's life.

Rachel looks at me, and I look into her gorgeous blue eyes, lined by thick lashes, "Mon," she says, trying not to cry, "This isn't right."

"No, Sweetie. It's not."

The happy chatters of Joey, Chandler, Ross and Phoebe can be heard coming even nearer. They know nothing yet, and I envy them. But it is my job to tell them as soon they get in the door.

Joey comes it first carrying a brown and gray, noisy dirty Canadian goose;

"I got a goose! I got a goose!" he says, with a proud look on his child like face.

"Get that goose out of my house." I say calmly, and as I watch the corners of Rachel's mouth turn up, I smile at my best friend. The goose is making her smirk. I let the goose stay.

"Honey, I'm home." My husband and brother say simultaneously.

He kisses me on the lips, the one true love of my life. I watch Ross walk over to Rachel, who had curled up on the couch and had this sour look on her face. He tries to kiss her. She turns away, and stares out the window. She won't look him in the eye. She won't tell him the truth. And my heart skips a beat.

Phoebe walks in,

"My psychic said something bad was going to happen to one of my friends." She says, without tears.

I bite my lip harder, because I love them all. And the last thing I want to tell them is, what I'm about to say;

I walk over to Rachel and grab her hand,

"You want me to say it?" I ask her, and the world floats around me.

"No." she nods a little, "I really think I should be the one to do this."

"You sure?" I whisper.

She bares her fangs, and says through clenched teeth;

"Monica…"

"All right, Rach…"

She takes a deep breath, as if is she was speaking in front of a million people;

"I want to Dr. Jones today," she starts, Phoebe, grabs Joey's hand, and Chandler's. I close my eyes, and listen to her voice. "He said that I have breast cancer."

"Oh," Phoebe musters.

The rest of us are silent.

"Rach…" Chandler starts, but does not finish.

And Ross says, "Well, Rachel. There are medications, you know, radiation, chemotherapy."

"I know that Ross. I have a whole regime of medications set up. Two months of chemotherapy."

"Good, perfect." Ross says.

"Rachel, I'm going to cancel all my dates this month, so I can be home with you."

"Will you lose your hair?" Phoebe asks.

"What?" Rachel says, her eyes wide.

"Phoebe!" I want to kill her right now, for bringing up such a sensitive topic to Rachel, I turn to Rachel, who is staring at Phoebe.

"Mon? Is it true?"

"Yeah, Rachel. It is true."

She touches her hair. So do I.

"Rachel, We'll be here for you."

"Yeah, until the end."

"Chandler!" I say, for even hinting death.

"No, no death." I whisper to him

"You're not going to die." Chandler corrects, "I mean you will, but not soon." He stops, "I wish I was dead."

"Guys, I'm scared." Rachel cries. All five of us hug her. And she is not alone


	3. What We Believe

Phoebe's POV

I've lost a mother. I've never really knew my father. My sister and I never were really close. Rachel and my other friends were my family. I'm not quite sure what defines the word family. Love and values, I guess. And I knew I could not lose Rachel. And yet I knew that in the process of trying to help Rachel, I could not lose my other friends or my husband.

Later that night, I drove from my new apartment on the other side of the city to Joey's apartment. The building burst with memories. I knocked on Joey's door;

"Who is it?" Joey asked, his voice small.

"It's Phoebe," I said,

"Pheebs, uh, hang on just a second."

I don't wait. I barge in.

Joey's face is red, and there is Kleenex all over the floor. The duck was on the foot stool next to him, I look in his pretty eyes, and my eyes go down to his little yellow baby blanket and his bedtime penguin pale Hugsy.

"The chicken, duck and goose like the Kleenex."

"Joey, you've been crying." I say matter-of-factly.

"Because Yasmine Bleigh on _Baywatch _has a wart."

"Joey…" I kneel next to him and remember how when I turned thirty one, and I thought I was thirty because I had never seen my birth certificate, and then Ursula told me we were thirty one. I was upset because I hadn't had one good kiss by the time I was thirty, one of the things on my list to do before I turned thirty. I was crying. And Joey, that very day gave me a wonderful kiss right on the lips.

"How bad is cancer?" Joey asked.

"You don't know?" I ask.

"Can you _really_ die from cancer?"

"Yeah," I say, "Some people die."

"Rachel could die?" Joey sobbed softly.

I was never someone who lived in denial.

"Yeah, Rachel could die."

"Phoebe wouldn't it be the worst thing ever?"

"Joey, it's a little too early to have this conversation."

"Yeah, yeah Pheebs you're right, you should go home."

"Yeah, okay Mike will worry about me."

I turn and head to the door and the Joey says seven little words that apart from each other have no effect on me, but together they break my heart.

"Rachel is not going to die, right?"

"The cancer is at stage four."

"Pheebs how do you talk so lightly about this?"

"Because I know something you don't know, that the people who die, my mom and grandma, and maybe Rachel, they never really leave us."

I kiss Joey on the top of his head. I head to the door and dig the car keys out of my big red purse, that no innocent animals had to die to make it, and Joey stops me once again.

"You don't know that."

I pause for a really long time, still trying to believe.

"Yes, I do."

And as I ride the subway home that night, I look around me. Here I am living in a world where every one has their opinions about what happens to us after we die, but no one really knows the truth. And Rachel…well, I didn't feel safe letting her go into the afterlife. Because what I strongly believe could be wrong.


	4. Strength

Joey's POV-five days later

I don't know too much about sickness and how to act around Rachel.

"Remember when we all went to Vegas?" I asked Rachel, because I knew if I didn't talk about something else, she would start talking about Breast cancer.

She smiles a wistful sad smile. "Oh yeah, that was interesting."

"You and Ross got drunk and had sex." I grin a little.

She puts up her hand to stop me.

"We didn't have sex."

"I'm seeing right now, Oh, good god Rachel."

"We got married."

"And you were on a break." I laugh, to try to make Rachel mad.

"We were on a break."

"You totally broke up." I try to fight with her; to rake away the pain of reality.

"Shut up."

"Hah, no comebacks." I say.

"Are you trying to make things easier?"

"No. You weren't on a break."

"Joey, arguing with me will not make this any easier. If I die, you'll hurt either way."

"Rachel…" my heart irks, and I remember what Phoebe said.

"I know you're an actor and stuff, but you can't just pretend it away."

"But everything _is_ going to be okay." I say.

"But what if it's not, then what? The chemotherapy only has a 65 of working, my chances are even lower. They're more like 40."

"I love you Rachel."

"I know, Joey. I know you're new to this cancer stuff, but you have to be strong."

I have to be strong. Life isn't just "How you doin's?" and dating gorgeous girls and going to the filming of _DOOL_ (Day's Of Our Lives.). Life is strength, life is for your friends, life is pain and life is real.

That was the night I had noticed that everyday she was at my apartment she cuddled with my bedtime penguin pal Hugsy. And that was the night I gave Hugsy to Rachel.

Life is also about the tiny or great sacrifices you make for a friend.


	5. I'll Miss You

Rachel's POV-two weeks after her first chemotherapy treatment, a week after the last chapter

On August 14th, my hair started falling out.

I was home alone, reading Joey's porn novel, a dirty book alright. Monica was at the restaurant, Chandler was my place cleaning, Joey was filming _Days Of Our Lives. _Emma has at Judy's. Phoebe was doing God-only-knows what, and me, well I was sitting at home reading and obsessing about how great my life would have been if I didn't get stage four breast cancer. Oh, and Ross, was giving boring, put me to sleep dinosaur lectures.

I kept reading the same word over and over, and suddenly a large handful of hair fell onto the page. I picked it up. I tried not to cry. I tried really hard. But I did. Every time I touched my head, more hair fell out. Every time I leaned back against the chair, I would lose another handful. By 7:00 pm, I was as bald as a bowling ball.

I love my hair. I had great hair. I was being such an immature baby about this. God Rachel, its just hair.

Suddenly I decided to try to cry about something else;

How Ross doesn't like bald girls.

How Ross _loves _me.

And I think all the things I'll miss when I die;

Chandler's homophobic jokes.

Ross's intellectual talks about dinosaurs.

New York

Phoebe's song _Smelley Cat_

And Monica's weird obsession with being neat.

And Hugsy and Joey.

And my daughter.

The list goes on for at least ten years.

There's too much to write. There's too much to think about. Suddenly I hear a knock on the door; I scramble around the kitchen looking for something cover my head with. I find a pot, and under the pot I put Monica's inherited miniature rug.

"Who is it?" I ask.

"It's Monica."

"And Phoebe." I hear Phoebe yell in Mon's ear.

"Oh hang on." I say

"Is everything okay?" Monica asks.

"Yeah, uh, Ross and I are having sex." I lie.

"Ross is downstairs." Phoebe remarks.

"You know too much Phoebe Buffay Hannigan."

"Rachel, are you sure you're all right?"

"I'm naked." I say this to keep them out while I make my "pot-rug hat."

Monica barges in with Phoebe, and has a horrified look on her face;

"Rachel Karen Green, what is my Grandfather's rug doing on your head!" Monica yells.

"Yeah" Phoebe retorts.

She knocks it off. And I stand there, bald, my head freezing cold. Monica and Phoebe try not to act weird around me, and do a horrible job.

Finally they hug me, and I'm not sure if Phoebe isn't realizes it, but she runs her hand down my head, and she holds me even tighter. Monica believes it's a weakness to cry. But she sheds a few tears. So does Phoebe. Phoebe is not ashamed of the tears though, and finally she asks.

"Where's your razor?"

"In the bathroom."

Monica and Phoebe drag me down to the bathroom, and take out the razor from the drawer, they lather their head with shaving crème, and shave off all of their hair, when they're done they look at me. All three of us have tears in our eyes;

"I'm going to miss you guys," I whimper.

There is a silence so strong, so empty that nothing can fill it.


	6. If We Are A World Apart

Chandler's POV-a month later

It's a natural human instinct to lie and say everything is going to be okay, even though you know it's not. In fact, Monica had asked me every night;

"Chandler, do you think Rachel will get well?"

And everyday I would make empty promises to her and say,

"Yeah, Rachel is going to be just fine."

"You promise?" she says, her blue eyes fogging with tears.

"Yeah, Mon. I promise."

"Good." she whispers firmly.

And now lying in the waiting room of Mount-Sinai Hospital, I realize just _how _empty those promises were. I look over at Monica and Phoebe, holding hands, their bald heads are bent together, and Monica is wearing her Star Of David, as if it would maybe change to outcome of Rachel's tests.

Joey is holding a picture of the Chick Jr., Duck Junior and Goose. He is also looking at a picture of him and Rachel taken in Barbados. The healthy sandy haired woman with the innocent grin does not even look like Rachel anymore.

I am listening to _Annie _soundtrack on my head phones, Emma is on my lap and Ross had been in the men's bathroom ever since he arrived two hours ago.

Emma looks at me and asks a question;

"Where is Mommy?"

"She's in the back room."

"Why is she in the hospital?"

"Because she's sick." I say.

"Why is she bald?"

"Because she lost her hair." I tell her.

"How did she lose her hair?" Emma squeaks.

"The medicine she takes makes it fall out."

"Oh,"

Emma pauses and blinks, and says "Is she going to die?"

I don't know why this question breaks my heart; maybe it was because Emma said it with a half smile on her face, or because she said it so innocently;

"Maybe sweetheart, maybe."

"And when she dies, is she coming back for Christmas, or Hanukah."

"No."

"After she dies, when is Mommy going to visit?"

"Never."

"Oh," she still doesn't understand. Never. We'd never see Rachel again if she dies. I wonder if I'll remember what she looked like.

Monica mouths something over to me.

"What are you doing?" her lips read.

"Telling Emma the truth." I mouth back.

She continues in silence.

"She's three years old, she doesn't understand this."

"She's going to have to deal with it eventually."

"Now is not the time Chandler,"

"It's never the time, Monica. I never want Emma to know this but she has to."

Monica tightens her grip on Phoebe's hand.

Dr. Jones steps out of the large door in the front of the room, and reads of his clip board;

"Ms. Chandler Bing, Monica Bing, Phoebe Buffay and Joey Tribiani may I see you in the office for a moment regarding the case of Rachel Green. You, sweetie," he says pointing at Emma, "Wait out here."

Normally someone calling me Ms. Chandler Bing would make me want to stick the goose and the duck on him, but this time it doesn't even matter. As we walk in the door, I realize that Phoebe knocks on the door three times and stomps her foot three times.

The doctor leads us to a little consultation room;

"Have a seat," he says.

"Will Rachel be joining us?" Monica asks as we take our seats.

"Yes."

We are all silent when Rachel walks in, attached to a chemotherapy IV, her head totally exposed and today she has hardly any eyebrows.

"Hi, you guys." She says, and her eyes immediately roll over to the empty chair where Ross should be.

"Throwing up in the men's bathroom," Phoebe says.

Rachel nods and a tear slips down her face.

"The tumor has not gotten any smaller." The doctor says, placing an X-ray of Rachel's breast to a light.

"And this means?" Rachel says.

"This means, I'm sorry Rachel, but it is most likely that you will not survive."

"Die." Rachel says out loud.

As we look each other in the eye we realize there is a connection between us that is so strong that as far as we believe nothing can come between us; but if Rachel is a world apart is it still possible to love her?

Author's note: Don't worry. I didn't cut Ross out of Rachel's life and he is not cheating on her. I have a very special plan involving the two of them. I do know if Rachel is going to die or not, but I'm not telling. PLEASE REVIEW, they mean so much to me!


	7. Existence

Joey's POV-the evening after the doctor's appointment. 

I never understood why people had to leave. Dying is stupid. I wish that things could stay the way they were forever;

I walk home to my apartment, wondering why Rachel is the one dying? Who chose her? Why didn't they choose Monica, or Chandler, or Phoebe, or Ross? And for that matter why didn't they choose _me_?

When I get home, Ross is sitting at my kitchen counter eating my olives and playing with Rachel's straightening iron. He has a sad look in his eyes. And I can't help but be angry at him for not showing up at the consultation.

"Hey Joe," he says.

"Ross." I say stiffly.

"What did the doctor say?"

"He said that Rachel is going to die."

"Oh, oh my God," Ross says.

"Yeah,"

"Joe, I can't, I can't deal with this right now…"

"You're never going to want to deal with this…" I say, wondering when I had become so smart.

"Yeah, yeah you're right."

"And Emma knows…"

"What! Joey!" he yells.

"Yeah, um Chandler told her."

"Why?"

"Because she asked…"

"I mean, she's three years old, she doesn't understand…" Ross says gently.

"Do any of us really understand why this happened to Rachel?" I remark.

"No. I can't believe it did…"

"Let me ask you this Ross," I say, "Do you still love Rachel?"

"Yeah." He looks me straight in the eye and doesn't blink.

"Would you trade places with her if you could?"

"In a heart beat."

"So, no matter how painful it is, you'd do anything to save her."

"Yeah."

"What if I told you she needed a heart transplant?."

"Joey, if it was a guaranteed cure. I'd do it. I would give her my heart. Why are you asking me this Joey?"

"I just wanted to see if you still had that undying love for Rachel?" I say.

"I do."

"Are you going to propose?"

"Joey, I don't know if I can marry her."

"Why." I raise my voice a little.

"I just don't know if I love her when she's on the other side of the universe."

"Isn't she always going to be with you?"

"I don't know, I'm just afraid one day I'll wakeup and forget she was ever here."

"That won't happen Man," I say and hug him, "We can't let that happen."

"You know what, Joey? This is not over. No one is giving up on my Rachel."


	8. Increbily fragile

Monica's POV-three months later 

I rode the subway down to Rachel and Ross's apartment. I remember how back in our younger days, Joey, Phoebe, Rachel, Chandler and I would joke about which one of us would be the first one to leave the group. We always said it would be Phoebe, because she lives far away and not related. At the time, in fact, we couldn't even imagine one of us dying. And now, as we knew it was getting closer, I took my therapists advice and tried to imagine my life without Rachel.

And I did;

An empty void in her apartment where she lived with Ross.

Me crying every time I looked in Emma's eyes.

Every time I look in the sky, I'll look for her face.

Looking for signs that she is coming back; that it was all a dream.

I'll wonder everyday if there is a heaven and if she can really see me.

Phoebe not singing.

Chandler not joking.

No Rachel, if she died, there would, never in forever be another Rachel.

When I got to her apartment, Rachel was watching Chandler's favorite movie _Terms Of Endearment. _It was the scene where Debra Winger was saying goodbye to her children. I could picture saying goodbye to Emma, and Emma not understanding and me not understanding.

"Hi, Rachel…" I said and smiled.

She smiles sweetly at me.

"Hey, Mon…" she says.

"How are you feeling?"

"How do you think?" she almost yells in my face.

"Sorry, dumb question!"

"Monica, Dr. Jones called, about my latest test results."

"Oh,"

"He said there is no chance for survival, he gave me a week to live, at most a month…"

"Is he sure?"

"Yeah, the cancer is still growing in my breast. There is a small fingernail sized tumor in my liver and both my kidneys some how got very large cancer tumors in them also…"

I say softly, "Well, Rach, maybe there'll be a miracle…"

"I don't believe in miracles…" Rachel whispers.

She continues; "Look, Mon, they need to remove my breast. I need intense doses of chemotherapy and radiation for five months, and I need a kidney transplant…"

"We'll all get tested." I say.

"That's not the point. I'm not going to be here that long."

"Rachel! Quit saying that!"

"Five months, I might not make it until tomorrow."

"Maybe one of us could save your life…"

"Everyone's been tested. No one matches."

"I haven't"

"What type of blood are you?"

"O positive."

She blinks her eyes and whispers

"Me too."

Rachel's hand clutches her stomach and her thin legs give out. Her blue eyes over flood with tears and I could see beads of sweat break out on her forehead.

"Monica," she cries, like a helpless child, "Help me,"

I lift her up onto the couch and call 911.

I report the emergency and hang up the phone;

"Mon," her hand reaches to me, "I'm scared."

"Me too, Rach," I say sitting next to her, "Me too…"

And at this moment I realize how incredible fragile we all are.


	9. HEAVEN

Chandler's POV-two days after the last chapter 

I have lied to Monica for fifteen more weeks now about Rachel. I knew Rachel is going to die, everyone knows it. No one will say it out loud.

I stared at Rachel lying on the bed. Monica grabs my hand.

"Chandler she's not going to die, is she?"

"Yes, Monica she is."

"No, she's not. She is not going to die, because she can't die. She is going to be fine, because she has to be fine…"

"No, Mon. She may be gone any second now."

"Chandler, you promised."

"Honey, I didn't know what else to do."

"How about keep your promises."

"Monica, I'm sorry."

"Yeah okay, Chandler, oh and by the way, I told Emma that Rachel is going to be fine."

"Monica…"

She stops for a moment.

"I told her the truth."

"You told her what you want the truth to be…"

"The truth can be anything we make out to be. And Chandler, in my "truth" Rachel survives."

"Monica," I hug her, and look straight into her eyes, "Go home, get some sleep, and cleanup the apartment."

"I don't feel like cleaning and I don't want to go home."

"Okay at least lay down in the waiting room."

"No."

Emma is tugging on Monica's robe and crying silent tears. Her eyes look exactly like Rachel's. Dr. Jones comes up to us. Phoebe hits the arm of her seat three times on one side and then three times again. And Dr. Jones says;

"It's an infection of the kidneys…"

"None of us can donate?" Phoebe asks.

"No," Dr. Jones said, "You have to say goodbye now."

For a moment, I hear nothing. I can't even cry. And then Joey starts to cry, then Ross, then Monica and I. Phoebe does not cry.

"Uncle Chandler," Emma says, "Aunt Monica lied, it's not good to lie."

"What did Aunt Monica lie about Sweetie?" I ask, knowing the answer.

"She said that Mommy wasn't going to die…"

And to this I have no answer too.

"Will Mommy stay in the pink guest room when she visits?"

"Sweetie, Mommy, is not coming back. You won't see her until you get to Heaven."

"Can I take a vacation to Heaven?" she asks.

"No,"

"Why?"

"Because no one knows where it is…"

"So can I call Mommy?"

"No."

She changes the subject;

"I'm learning how to read. Mommy says I'm very smart."

"Yes, you are." I say.

"How do you spell Heaven…" she asks.

"H-E-A-V-E-N…."

"So Mommy's going to be in Heaven?"

"Yeah, she is…"

I hear Dr. Jones call Monica's name;

"Monica Geller, I need to see in my office, it's very important…"

And for a moment I fear the worst, because the night before I had a dream I was losing Monica too.


	10. One in a million

Ross's POV 

I don't believe in life-after-death. I don't know why, I just flat out don't. Sometimes however I feel like I have to, how else am I going to deal with losing Rachel when the time comes? I have to believe in something. I feel forced too. This is why I don't;

According to legend Heaven is in the stars. The scientists have the sky mapped out. Every star has a name, every planet. There just aren't enough stars to go around.

Monica never told us what she believes. Monica would never us anything this deep and personal and she says that all she knows is that

"Whoever is up there, God or the 'superior being' would make everything alright. And Rachel can't die."

Phoebe deals with it, she says that people never really leave us; they come back in some different form. And we still them in weird little places even after they're gone.

Joey believes in Heaven, he does not know what else to believe.

And Chandler...he says the legacy of Rachel will live only in our memory.

I'll feel guilty just living on this earth. I'll feel guilty remembering times with Rachel or watching an old TV show we used to love and laughing. Is it wrong to laugh? Is it wrong to enjoy living when someone you love is dead?

Earlier today Dr. Jones asked Monica into his office. That scared me. My heart skipped a beat. Am I losing my little sister too?

I sat there talking to Joey;

"Ross, do you think Monica's okay?"

"I don't know…"

"I bet she is…"

"Yeah, so, Joe when are you going to say goodbye to Rachel?"

"Phoebe volunteered to go with me into the hospital room…I just, I am scared to go in there. It's going to be so weird."

"I know Joey, I mean its Rachel. We thought she'd be around forever." I say, and a stray tear slips from my eyes.

"Not forever, well yeah there was a time, when we all hung out at the coffee shop we couldn't even imagine losing each other,"

Phoebe chimes in;

"Rachel isn't supposed to die until 2030, November 14th."

And then, Monica comes out of the doctors, she has tears streaming out of both her eyes, and a smile on her face, a smile that none of us seen since Rachel's diagnosis.

"What?" I ask.

She chokes up as she speaks; "Rachel, I mean, Dr. Jones said my test results are back, and I'm a perfect match to donate the kidney…I could save her life…"

"Is it too late?" Joey asks.

"Maybe," she whispers, "But then there is a chance, it's one in a million, but there is a chance she could survive…"


	11. Heart Afraid Of Breaking

Ross's POV-a month later

"An infection of the kidney? A coma?" I asked.

"Yeah," Chandler said.

"How? Why?" Joey asked. "I mean, this is stupid…."

"Death is stupid." Monica said.

"No, we all have to die." Phoebe said.

"Mommy will be happier." Emma said, as if she was okay with this. "She won't hurt in Heaven."

"Why do children understand this and we don't?" Monica asks.

"I think if we look hard enough," Phoebe begins, "I think we will realize that we haven't lost Rachel; that she is still with us, in mind and in heart and in love."

"I don't believe that," I said, "She's not here and I can't hold her, and she can't talk to me."

"You'll see…" Phoebe says; "That when people I know died, I got this photographic memory of them, I remember what they looked like, and how they talked."

Emma comes up to me, and says;

"Daddy, tell mommy that," she does the sign language for "I love you…" "Tell her that I love her."

"I will Em," I say, "I will…"

I walked into the room where Rachel lay. I looked at her, beautiful and broken, tired and sad. Somewhere between Heaven and earth.

Monica comes in behind me.

"I'm sorry Ross. This is all my fault."

"No, Monica, it's no one's fault. It just happens."

"_My _kidney was supposed to save her and well, it just made things worse."

"Monica, it's not you, she was just too weak."

"Ross, it is me. I killed my best friend."

"Mon, no…"

She walks out of the room.

I kneel down by Rachel;

"Rachel, Monica feels responsible for your death."

I pause;

"Look, Rachel, the whole gang is miserable without you." I take a deep breath; "Rachel, the doctors say you can't hear me, I know better, I know you can hear me. You can hear me right?"

I don't why, but I thought she would say "Yes." But she lightly squeezes my hand.

And as the heart monitor's beeps get farther and farther apart I hear Bette Midler's song _The Rose _is playing._  
_

_Some say love, it is a river  
That drowns the tender reed  
Some say love, it is a razor  
That leaves your soul to bleed  
Some say love, it is a hunger  
An endless aching need  
I say love, it is a flower  
And you, it's only seed_

It's the heart, afraid of breaking  
That never learns to dance  
It's the dream, afraid of waking  
That never takes the chance  
It's the one who won't be taken  
Who cannot seem to give  
And the soul, afraid of dying  
That never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely  
And the road has been too long  
And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong  
Just remember in the winter  
Far beneath the bitter snow  
Lies the seed  
That with the sun's love, in the spring  
Becomes the rose

"We love you, Rachel. Emma," I do the sign language for 'I love you', "Loves you. I love you."

With that the peaking line on the heart monitor went flat. Is she dead? I asked myself. Yes, she is gone.

Because, as weird as this may sound, wherever Rachel was right now, I could feel her presence and she never did let go of my hand.

Author's note: This is not the end. Not yet. Please review


	12. Back To This World

Ross's POV 

I pause. I miss Rachel already.

I look at her closely, she is still gorgeous, she still has those fine collar bones and facial features even though I would never see her eyes; she had lost all her eye lashes, and only had a few eyebrows left. Her hair was growing back in thin, soft, pale brown tufts.

I knew everyone else knew;

I heard Monica say;

"Guys, I think I'm going to go home now and clean her room."

"Mon, you don't have to do that now." Chandler said.

And Phoebe said;

"We have to look for her face in the stars tonight."

Even now, almost twenty minutes after she died, I still talked to her.

"I wish you could see Emma grow up."

Her grip still hadn't gone limp.

I watch Joey through the window in the waiting room. He looks so hurt, so lost. He walks in here with a sandwich.

"Ross, how did we let this happen? How did we let Rachel die?" He spills some McDonalds salt onto his meat ball sub; and the salt spilled in the shape of a perfect "R".

I looked at the morning glories outside the hospital, it was afternoon and they were still in bloom. Signs? Or just what we think are signs that Rachel isn't really gone?

Emma comes waltzing in and just stares at Rachel. She touches her face, and a tear rolls out of her eyes; eyes that look exactly like Rachel's.

She says;

"I think come in here and tell Mommy we love her for the last time."

"Okay, baby." I say, "Go get the others."

She does so, and they all file in all crying, and their eyes fixed on Rachel in adoration and shock;

We say it in unison.

"We love Rach," and Emma says; "I love you Mommy." While we say it;

And then as if a miracle had occurred, her grip got stronger, and I thought I was dreaming; her starry-tired eyes fluttered open. This moment was real.

"I love you guys too," she whispered.

And I think to myself, I don't know if two people can love each other when they're a world apart, but this was living proof that sometimes love and friendship and the voices whom you've loved and left, can bring one person back from the dead, and into the same world again.


	13. Forever Lasting Friendships

Rachel's POV-1 year later 

"Do you Ross take thee Emily?" Joey asked, a teasing tone in his voice.

"Rachel." Ross corrects.

"Do you Ross take thee Rachel to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, forever and ever until death to you part."

"I do."

"Do you Rachel take thee Ross, to have and to hold, in life and in death, in good and in bad, for better or for worse until death to you part?"

"I do."

That was the most beautiful wedding ceremony I could imagine. Like a movie. The bride had triumphed over terminal cancer, with grace and beauty, the groom stood with her all the way. Lobsters do not leave each other….Monica reads a poem Ross wrote to me;

_Rachel, I can't believe it took me all this time to say; _

_How you've brightened my day; _

_I love you, _

_The sun, the stars and the moon, _

_I would trade them all to have you, _

_Forever. _

"I love you." I whispered.

The song _The Way You Look Tonight _by Frank Sinatra was playing

_Someday,_

_When I'm feeling low,_

_And the world is cold;_

_I will feel aglow just thinking of you,_

_And the way you look tonight._

_You're lovely_

_With you smile so warm,_

_And you cheeks so soft;_

_There is nothing for me but to love you_

_Just the way you look tonight._

_Refrain_

_With each word, your tenderness grows,_

_Tearing my fears apart._

_And your laugh that wrinkles your nose,_

_Touches my foolish heart._

_You're lovely,_

_And never, never change,_

_Keep that breathless charm_

_Won't you please_

_Arrange it 'cause I love you_

_Just the way you look tonight._

_The way you look tonight._

There had been a few tears before the wedding because I didn't look pretty; it has been only six months since my schedule of intense chemotherapy ended; my face still looked at all pale, I still had circles under my eyes; and my hair don't even get me started; I had two inches of soft brown stubble on my head. I cried a little. I remembered when my hair used to be pretty and long and flowing. When I looked normal. Ross came in, and said;

"Rach, do you want more hair?"

"Yeah, Ross, I do."

Ross takes a permanent marker from his pocket and draws a beard and a mustache on me; the very thing that led up to Ross and I getting married in Vegas in the first place;

We look at each other and crack up laughing.

We all see a shooting star at the end of the ceremony and even though Ross and I are drunk, we all remember to make a wish; Ross says, lifting his twentieth glass of wine

"Forever lasting friendships and to the long and happy lives of Monica and Chandler, Phoebe and Joey, and Ross and Emily."

"Rachel," Monica corrects.

He falls down on the floor, and says to Phoebe;

"Oh Pheebs are you okay."

"I'm all right. I'm almost perfect."

Then I collapse from the amount of alcohol in my system.

Joey, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler raise their glasses.

"To Ross and Rachel,"


End file.
